I got an email from a colleague of mine with a nice issue solution:
When you attach or restore a database that has service broker queues on a different database, you MUST rerun this command:
alter database elgdistribution set enable_broker
Without doing that, the queues will fail to write – SILENTLY! They do not throw any sort of exception and appear to be functioning properly. VERY IRRITATING.
Thanks to Brian Romanko